Welcome to my life.

Alright, so... Jessica needed someone to add to her group of "Evil Co-Workers" so she convinced me to begin blogging again.

=)

Thanks.

Current Location: Eds
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: nada.

So, this song is great. Tina Turner rocks my socks off! :)

A fool in LOVE. Back in the early 60's, Anna Mae Bullock rocked this music. Its simple, fun, and has a good message. -- It makes me feel good. I heard it Thursday night at the Bar. Thankyou to the amateur queen who performed it.

This past week i worked at EDS. Its going well. I like it. Training kinda stinks, but thats expected i think. I met a gal from Letcher Co. (She kinda knew Levi's sister)

This weekend was amazing. It was great. I loved every minute of it. I went home with Sami and Josh. I had a fabtabulous time. We went back Saturday morning around 10. I finally got to see my sister perform their color guard routine. It was really well. We got first in our division, and 2nd overall. Go MCHS Colorguard and BAND! So, After the pre-liminary competition, we went to Mr. Gatti's.. its kinda like Gatti Town for those of you who dont know.. we ate and I was thought to be straight. (by emilys x hubby) lol. Then it was to Lowes to pick out handles for the kristins dresser. (I dont think they were exactly what katy had in mind, but they will due.)
So, After Lowes it was back to the competition. We watched the bands perform. They were all very good. I know it must take alot of practice and hard work to perfect those routines. :) Cudos to anyone who participated, and Congrats to the winners.

So, After the competition we ate Wendy's yum, then we went home. Cleaned and Prepared for Kristins birthday party. Woo HOO!

Okay so i must embed this link it is toooooooo funny. Kids crack me up!


*thank you to Amber for introducing me to that.

Sunday Morning, we all went to church and It was a new church to me. Good Church, Lots of people. Upbeat music and Young people.

So we are sitting in the pew right, and Brother Bud is just preaching.. like hes doin it the good way. All of a sudden.. he says something to the affect of.. "IF you are living a life of homosexuality, adultery, or living in sin you wont get to enjoy heaven" Something similar to that.. Immediately my heart sank. It Dropped. It really did. - Ever been shot with an arrow, I think thats what it would feel like.. So I just took a deep breath, let it out.. and endured the rest of the sermon.. So Church was over, we go home.

I am walking back inside after watering the flowers, Sami meets me on the sidewalk. -- She says.. "I hope your not mad, about what brother bud said at church" and i was like.. noooo, ofcourse not, ya kinda expect those things after a while. She said.. "well mom said brother bud zapped our whole pew this morning, zap, Zap, ZAP. He got you for homosexuality, Emily for Adultery, and me for living in sin." I couldnt help but laugh. Laughter is truely the best medicine.

I want to thank Katy and Jeff, for everything they have done.. not only for my sister, but for me. It may sound crazy, but knowing that my sister is alright and is going to be okay, means sooo much. I tried to take care of her, I just couldnt. I wasnt capable. I wasnt able. They are, and they are doing a wonderful Job. Thank you.

The party was great, Happpy Birthday Kristin.

We went bowling, whew. So many Kids. *sigh* it was great times. I like spending time with all of them, I do believe I will have to do it again sometime real soon. I miss my sister. :)

Current Location: My Apartment.

So, am i the only person who finds the Frasier themesong amusing? The part that cracks me up is hilarious, "But i dont know what to do with this tossed salad and scrambeled eggs"

I cant wait to go see my Maria. I want to hug her so badly.

I joined a couple really funny groups on facebook tonight. -- FGGA (Future Golden Girls of America!) and some crazy brokeback mountain group. -- Son of a Whore son Bitch. and then ofcourse..-- Why yes, I do break out into song randomly.

Its hit me, Im a dreamer. Its okay though. I like it. I am a hopeless romantic, and thats okay too.

Why is it.. when one thing seems clear.. -- Something just kinda comes along to make it fuzzy.? Even if its just a thought?

I love my friends. I miss them all like crazy. I totally wish there was a way i could work out a schedule where i could see all of them.. once a week.. to meet up.. and hnag out.. and catch up on their lives.. ya know?

I talked to levi the other day.. -- hes good. and that makes me smile.

I think im driving steph crazy.

I cooked supper tonight, it was super good. wooot woot.. go betty crocker !! :)

I had alot more to say. -- but ive lost my train of thought.. (and the golden girls are on..-- they deserve my attention!!)

Current Mood: content
Current Music: The Golden Girls

:) i feel a little better.

Thats a good thing.

I had a breakdown today.

crying helps sometimes.

Thanks sophie.

Today was a good day. I needed today. Today was sort of a test of my strength.

Tara and I went up to EKU. To visit some of our friends. She had some business to take care of at the Student Services Building. -- Transcripts and stuff. We visited with our friends.. Figgy, Tracy, and CARA!!! :)

I also got to see my muffin, ms. celie, john, sarah, malory, gaison... And a few other random peeps.

I didnt get to see Ricky Bobby,Ms. Portah, Ally, Tiffany.. or a few of the other people i was REALLY really hoping to see. thats okay. next week ill be in richmond for good. I hope.

I did see someone i didnt want to see. *sigh*. I hope in time.. this hatred fades away.. i know it will, but until it does id rather not even see him, speak to him, or be around him. I hope my friends can understand how i feel the way i do, and why i feel that way. I hope that they wont insist on us talking or whatever.

Anyway. Tonight i cooked. Someday I will make a great little housewife. For supper we had barbecue pork chops, shells n cheese, green beans, cucumbers, fried green tomatoes, fresh ripe tomatoes and sweet tea for supper..

Then for desert my little cousin Krissy and I cooked these AMAZING Peanut butter sugar cookies.

I dont look forward to going to Dr. Cooks office tomorrow. *sigh*

Wheres the Levi? I sure would like to talk with him.

Current Location: Stephs.
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Banger Sisters..- The Movie

As of now, I have no direction. I have a few thoughts on what I want out of life. I have a few goals. - Mostly broken thoughts.. And unreal expectations. I say unreal, because without the motivation… none of them will happen.

I have been contemplating.. Since I met Calpernia Addams and I was touched by her story in the spring of 2006. Of Possibly joining the armed forces. I am not going to join because I believe the war is right, because I know better. I am not going to join because I think I can do better than the guys and girls already over there. Im not joining because I have nothing else to do with my life. I have plenty to do, and not a lot of time to do it.

Anyway. I just needed to get all of this out, so here I am.. Pouring myself onto this keyboard..

I want to join the military for money, for stability, for structure.. I know it sounds crazy.. -- There are two ways you can get money.. You can either get lucky.. Your family could have it - you could win it.. Or find it…. That’s not going to happen in my case, My family for sure doesn’t have it.. And I don’t play the lottery.. Lady luck isn’t someone I call a close friend… Soo.. Theres the second way to get money.. You sacrifice.. And work your ass off.

That’s where the military comes in.. The way I see it.. I am in good physical shape and a fairly intelligent guy. There is not any reason I cant join. Except.. My sexuality, something I am not going to hide. Which I would have to do if I joined the military. I shouldn’t say.. HIDE, because I wouldn’t have to hide it..-- Its not possible. -- Some people just know, or think they know. I just wouldn’t be able to be myself, I wouldn’t be able to act on my desires. - I wouldn’t be able to talk about my life, my friends, my past relationships.


I think I have decided to do this never the less. Why you might ask.. -- because this may be the stepping stone I need to transition. I can earn my independence. I can earn it in the Army, and spend time traveling.. Spend time finding myself and who I really am, while making a nice little chunk of change.

I want to be away, I want to he able to send my brother and sister money, when they need it. I want to be able to help them. I want to be… just out of reach.. I want to be.. Someone they can count on.

Today ive talked to a couple of my friends. I felt like I got the cold shoulder from one.. And the other, Im sure he has reason to hate me. I broke his heart, took his virginity, and then broke his heart again. Hes doing fine. I miss him like crazy, and if I weren’t so very stubborn, so stuck with an unreal depiction of how my world was going to work out. Then things might be just a bit different.

I wouldn’t change anything. I learned a very valuable lesson. Don’t trust completely. Ever.

I thought I was ready to move on. I thought I was ready to commit to someone else. I surprised myself, I fell for someone else , and he fell for me( against his will. ) -- Someone who I could have been with.. But after a couple weeks of dreaming.. I decided that I didn’t want to drag anyone along.. Like I was dragged along.. So, I have decided that until I can honestly settle down.. I wont do that. I wont date. I am sorry, to you know who you are.

I have been surprised at the responses I have gotten when I told people I was going to join. Most people have said.. “ Are you sure you WANT to do this?” and “What? Why?” then there has been this recurring theme of.. “you.. HAHAHAHAHAHA, but your gay” Well this message is to all of you who think I cant do it.. I guess Im going to prove you ALL wrong.. I know I can, and if not… welll.. What have I lost? Nothing. Im just spinning my wheels anyway. And if i can.. Well. I will. And when I get back.. Maybe I will have had time to think, time to figure out exactly what I want. -- where exactly I fit in…-- who i am..

Thanks for the support from those who i am getting it.. and those who arent giving it.. well... what goes around comes around.. eh..

Current Location: Stephs.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The Radio.

I love that jingle. it makes me SMILE!!! -- the vonage jingle.

Work was good.- Boring. it was incredibly dead today.

Had a suprise visitor today, was extremely awkward. Glad he wanted to say hi. It was good to see him.

I am very exicted about this weekend. :) Richmond will be wonderful.

I am slowly learning to be able to say no. Not a word i frequently use.

I want an African Grey Parrot. :) -- A baby.

Current Location: Home - Stephs.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Strage Egypt. -- The History Channel

Wow,  My  Great Grandfather is now in the hospital. I completely didnt see this coming. A couple months back he fell off a ladder, while attempting to put the barn door back on the track. He laid in bed for weeks. I dont think he ever fully recovered. -- Now he is in the hospital for some swelling in his abdomen. He had bloodwork and a check up earlier this week, where they fould fluid in his abdomen, they arent sure why hes producing the fluid. not yet anyway. He was scheduled to have an MRI full body scan tomorrow. But today Granmomma, saw the swelling had gotten alot worse. She took him to the local hospital and they did the body scan. They drained a half gallon of fluid off. His liver and kidneys are swollen.  This doesnt sound good. I havent been able to see him yet. . Hes the strongest man I know of. There isnt a doubt in my mind that hes one of the best men I have ever met. I hope i can be as great as he is. I hope i can meet someone as great as him, to make my life complete.

As for Tonight. I worked until almost 8 p.m. 

I was supposed to go meet Dustin tonight.  I feel bad, but my family.. no matter how dysfunctional is number one. I hope he can understand. I guess I should give him a call. I am scared too, I hope he doesnt just stop talking to me. I would have been there, if i could have.

I think my jeep may be finished, my cousin Tracy said it was beside the shop through the gate, facing the road. It was parked behind the shed, toward the barn. Thats good news. (If its finished)

Current Location: cah
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Sarah McClaclan - I will remember you.

I am feeling tons better.

I got good news from my mother today. She told me that the insurance company had paid for the ladys truck I hit. -- So, when i go to court for the wreck everything should be taken care of and I hope it goes as planned.

I have spent the last few days in Gatlinburg. I had a wonderful time. I went with Maria, Kris Hawkins, and her fiancee Drew. We went to play putt putt golf, went to the wax museum, had un-birthday cake. Overall we had a great time.

Work is good. I like my job, i really need to find myself another job similiar to the one that i have.. in my new hometown of Richmond KY!

As for the boy situation. I think i may have met an exception. We shall see.

I totally cant wait to be in Richmond for good. *sigh*.. 2-3 more days. woot woot motha FUCKAH!!